In a move that surprised everyone in the street this week Ian
and Raphe decided to get a cat. This
news was so surprising because they did not have a good word to say about Raphe’s
mother’s cat, but I’m not one to gossip about hypocrisy, I just hope that their
boasting about it being different because they would be the parents, doesn’t
come back to bite them.
They had decided to get a young cat from a rescue home,
something that would appreciate their love. They chose a male ginger cat called
Leo that had a tricky start in life because when it arrived at the rescue
centre its name had been Lilly, the staff told Ian and Raphe that it had an
erratic personality which they attributed to the misunderstanding over its sex.
Persuaded that they could make a significant difference to the life of the cat,
which nobody else had shown any interest in, they took him home wrapped in a
blanket, cuddled by Raphe all the way back to the street.
Raphe was very excited about the new addition to his family
and stood in the street nursing the cat as Jacinta, Margaret and Mand cooed
over it. He recalled a sorry tale about the cat’s early life and how it had
wrongly been treated as a girl. Form where I was sitting I could see the small
creature, an orange thing with a head that was clearly too large for its body,
I did wonder if this was the reason no one had even glanced at it, although it
did seem very placid, nestled in his blanket. Raphe declared that things would
be better now it belonged to a loving family and had been given a new name, one
that suited it, Lionel Blair.
Mand was on it straight away, ‘Lionel Blair, now that
sounds familiar, didn’t he used to be the prime minister?’
I thought Margaret was quite unkind in the way she guffawed
at this comment, ‘No, that was Tony Blair, although the cat is quite like him,
got the same colouring.’
Raphe looked more than a little offended, ‘He is nothing
like Tony Blair, no Mand, Lionel was a dancer, back in the day, he was very
good. I’m going to train the cat to dance.’
Now this I couldn’t wait to see.
A few days later Raphe appeared in the street again looking
completely exhausted. He had taken a few days off to get the cat settled in,
spending morning, noon and night with it. Far from being the placid little
sweetheart that it had been doing an impression of a few days previously Lionel
Blair was, in Ian’s words, the cat from hell.
‘I don’t want this to break us, but they are not bonding,
and even I am struggling,’ Raphe’s eyes filled up with tears as he imparted
this news to Suzy, ’I mean, have you got any tips, you know how it is, what
with you also being a mother.’
Suzy didn’t have a chance to respond as Daphne, who had
been standing chatting to Ken almost flew across the road. ‘Ken tells me you
have a new pussy, how lovely, is she settling in ok?’
‘No, and it’s a he’. Raphe was more than a little curt but Daphne
didn’t seem to notice, instead she went on about the benefits of a lavender
wand, a floral stick that did wonders for a cat’s mood, and what’s more, she
made them herself.
‘I only charge £7 each, you let the cat sniff it and play
with it, the results are almost immediate, calms them right down.’
At his wits end and in fear for his relationship, Raphe
agreed to try the wand and Daphne dashed back to Garths house where she kept a
stash.
The term ‘money for old rope’ comes to mind, but at this
stage I think he would have tried anything.
The following day Daphne was nowhere to be seen as Raphe described to
Ken the vigour with which Lionel Blair had ripped the stick to pieces. The
house was littered with bits of lavender and Raphe himself had incurred several
injuries when waving the wand in the cat’s direction.
As usual Ken had a suggestion himself, one that involved
the use of music, and that he could back up with internet research.
‘You should look it up on Youtube, there’s a whole section, ‘Sounds
to soothe cats’, give it a go. I reckon music can cure all ills man, never say
never, no worries’.
Looking like a man with all the worries in the world Raphe
headed home with Ken’s words ringing in his ear, if this didn’t work the cat
formerly known as Leo and Lilly could be heading back to the rescue centre.
I have heard talk that Ian can be quite mean but last night
he turned up at Ken’s shop with a bottle of rum and some Turkish Delight (Ken’s
favourite), the music had worked, Lionel Blair had slept through two nights and
was showing signs of calming down during the day too. They had been careful to choose
sounds that they could also sleep to but the rest of the time anything seemed
to work.
‘We’ve stayed off the Heavy Metal but he responds well
to a bit of Bowie; Ken you and your music can work miracles.’
Now I think that’s a bit over the top but I must admit, I
am glad Lionel Blair is staying.
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