Hello Vera

If feels as if the whole world has gone diet mad and in this street that falls into two camps, the 5:2 followers where the victims eat frugally for two days and behave like gannets the other five, or the aloe vera crowd. The aloe vera crowd are at the moment in the midst of a nine day detox with the aim of losing as much as they physically can. Catherine has become a rep for the products and she is championing the detox along with Jacinta, Mand and Rafe. They were originally joined by Ian, but each day involves the drinking of an aloe vera gel and by day two he had been sick every time he drank it, deciding that it clearly wasn’t for him.

Catherine is her usual passionate self when she starts a new project and as we are only into week two her interest is still fervent, by next week it will start to wane and by week four she will be saying ‘aloe who ?’, before swiftly moving onto the next thing. Mind you she had her work cut out trying to explain the diet to Mand, the only person on the planet who has never heard of aloe vera.

‘Why do you call her that, does she always say hello?’

‘It’s not a she Mand, it’s a plant, and it’s not hello, it hasn’t got an H.’

‘Hmm, I’m like not so sure about drinking a plant, I mean I wouldn’t drink a lettuce.’

The fact that Jacinta and Rafe were game finally persuaded her it was the right thing to do, and after day two she decided that ‘Ello Vera’ must be good for you, because it tasted so disgusting, like.

The 5:2 followers were Baz and Shirl, Ken and a late joining Ian. They had decided to meet once a week for the weigh in and to share menu ideas for the two lean days. Now I’m no Rosemary Conley but the way they are operating the diet doesn’t seem right to me, I understand the concept of two frugal days but I am sure you are not supposed to eat and drink like you are on holiday the rest of the time.

On the day of their first meet and weigh in, supervised by Garth, they had all had a reasonable weight loss of three pounds, except Shirl, the skinniest of the four who had lost five. This venerable event was followed by a four course curry dinner, with all the sides and a drinking bout that ended in a lock in and five very sore heads the following day. I shall watch the results of the next weigh in with interest.

Elsewhere in the street Reg was having a detox of his own, instigated by Margaret, who had read somewhere that too much processed food is bad for your heart.

‘I’m cutting him down to a sausage dinner every other day’, she explained to Jacinta.

‘Every other day?’ Jacinta had that shrill voice that gives it away when she doesn’t approve of something she has been told.

‘D’you think I’m being too harsh, he is struggling with it, he dreamt about sausages last night and yesterday I caught him staring at them in the Spar, he never looks at me like that.’

‘Too harsh, are you joking Margaret, I think he should give them up for a month.’

When Margaret retold this story to Reg later he went very red and after some thought suggested to his wife that she should review her friendship group.

‘I’m not sure I like you mixing with these vegetarians, I think you should definitely see less of Jacinta and that miserable one with the baby, Suzy is it ? I think they are trying to brain wash you.’

Margaret does pander to Reg a lot of the time but it was the first instance that he had tried to dictate her friends, I know she is not a vindictive woman but I have heard she has bought some vegetarian sausages, just for every other day you understand.