A very dry January

Catherine Morgan is training to be a hypnotherapist, as sure as I live and breathe that’s the truth, well, at least that’s what she told Raphe from number 13. He was complaining about how hard he was finding it to go ‘dry’ in January; Ian, his partner was having no trouble and is being quite smug about it, Raphe moaned for a full ten minutes about him to Catherine. If I felt kinder towards him I would have run out afterwards to warn him about revealing all to her, she’s very loose lipped and I still remember the upset if caused when she told Tom that Mand had a breast enlargement, and that’s the other trouble, she doesn’t listen that well and it wasn’t true. Tom’s eyes were on stalks every time he saw Mand for the next few weeks and in the end she had to say something to him, it was all very unpleasant and I almost had to move away from the window it was so distressing.

But as it is I don’t really trust Raphe so I didn’t say anything and if he is going to put himself at the mercy of a trainee hypnotherapist, who also happens to be a gossip, then that’s his look out.

Personally I’m a bit sick of all this ‘giving up’ for New Year. I was in the card shop the other day and the assistant made a comment about the smell of sausage rolls coming from my shopping bag, she had given up pastry and was being tormented by me, I suppose I should be grateful she didn’t ask for sponsorship. Ian, on the other hand was round at my door last night asking to me to pledge money for his ‘dry’ event, of course I turned him down, I may be old fashioned but I thought you sponsored people for doing something, not ceasing to do something, if I stop drinking cups of tea could I go around saying that I was dry and asking people to sponsor me? No, they would be more likely to give me a glass of water than money.  He wasn’t very pleasant but that’s hardly surprising when you’re dealing with someone who persuaded his partner to change his name from Ralph, the perfectly good name that his mother chose for him.

The hypnotism took place at Catherine’s house on Monday in her spare room, she’s turned it into an office come clinic but seems to have skimped on the furnishings and Raphe had to balance precariously on a zed bed which was slightly too high and he came over all dizzy. Apparently she’s very good at the actual hypnosis but gets a bit forgetful about the focus of the session, in Raphe’s case she became completely obsessed with the concept of dry, but she did only charge him half price so he didn’t complain.

Ian’s not happy though, he was telling Margaret today, Raphe is still drinking the same amount of alcohol as before but he now gets a bit emotional about water, they tried to watch an old film on ITV the other day, the one where Daryl Hannah is a mermaid, Raphe got himself in such a state that Ian had to give him a brandy to calm him down. Margaret was considering talking to Catherine about Reg’s sausage obsession but now she’s having second thoughts, I don’t blame her, who knows where that could lead, and they do have to be careful, what with her heart condition.