Thursday, 18 June 2015

The Pirates Not In Penzance

Have you ever had one of those days when you keep seeing pirates? No, me neither, but last week there was rarely a day went by without one being spotted in Pavers Place.
It started on Thursday last, two of them in the Spar, Harry was behind the counter and he is far less inquisitive than Gary so didn’t enquire as to what they were doing in the area. However, he did have to ask them to leave the shop, animals aren’t allowed and one of them had quite a large parrot sitting on its shoulder.
‘I did feel sorry for the parrot, it looked a bit fed up, but still rules are rules’.

I don’t think spending any time in the Spar would have helped to cheer the parrot up, Tom is in there half his life and happy go lucky would never apply to him.
They turned up again later in the Short and Curlies, this time four of them (and the parrot) dressed in full pirate regalia, hat, eyepatch, black teeth, the lot. After a grilling from Shirl it was established that they were on the way to a gathering of pirates in Penzance, the town attempting to break the record for the most pirates in one place. They had stopped here so that one of them could visit his Aunty Ethel, who lives round the corner in Pavers Lane. This information seemed to satisfy Shirl and even Baz but I was disappointed, being an aunt to four nephews, if any of them turned up at my house in full pirate costume they would be told to change their clothing at once, there are certain standards to maintain.
Mand was in the pub that night with Catherine, she was on a break from Garth who had decided he needed some time to gather some power, as he found her quite ‘sapping’. That man comes up with the best excuses, but at least he didn’t say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’, the reason that most of her previous partners had used.
One of the pirates had taken a shine to Mand, Catherine was doing her best to encourage the flirtation in an attempt to lift the malaise that had descended on her since Garth’s decision. Mand was unsure,
‘I don’t like know really, I mean I’ve just come out of a relationship with a religious man and I’m like not sure I could cope with another one.’
Catherine looked from Mand to the pirate and back again, I don’t think piracy is a religion and I’m not sure they are real pirates, he’s only here for a few days, just enjoy the attention.’
Mand was unconvinced, why, she had argued, would they dress up as pirates on a visit to see Aunty Ethel if they were not the real thing? At last, Mand and I were on the same wavelength, I’ll have to watch out, I could find myself saying ’like’ next.
The next day they were still hanging around in the street but this time they were clearly upset about something; after several large ciders the previous evening they had progressed to a bottle of rum and being generous in their drinking this had resulted in a lock in at the Short and Curlies. Aunty Ethel’s house is just a short walk from the pub but it had taken them several hours having turned right out of the pub instead of left, on the journey they had lost a back pack with essential items in it. My mind raced with a list of possible contents that was causing so much concern, a hook hand, a peg leg, eye patch, there had to be a treasure map and hopefully some pieces of eight.

After several hours searching, the belongings were declared lost for good, and they found themselves back in the Spar complaining to Tom that they had lost the sat nav that they were relying on to get them to Penzance. Tom allayed their fears, he had an encyclopaedic mind when it came to maps and directions and would write out the main motorways for them. The pirates left, still annoyed about the missing technology but determined to be in Penzance on time.
On Sunday I read a news article about the failed attempt to get the record for the most pirates in Penzance, apparently some people failed to turn up, I do wonder if Aunty Ethel’s visitors are still driving around the M25.



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