Wednesday, 29 April 2015

The Royal Wait

This week talk in the street has been about politics and the best way to move the new royal baby into making an appearance. I try not to get involved in the political debate, it all gets too fractious for me, although I am surprised by the number of people who say, ‘They are all the same’, that’s a bit like saying all plants are the same, well they are all plants but some are more dangerous than others.
I have heard Mand say that her Garthy should stand, I’m not sure there is currently a policy on the flip flop wearing protocol but I do think that he would certainly benefit from it.
Apart from politics the men in the street do have strong views on how to bring on labour naturally, there was a medical specialist on an early morning breakfast show suggesting that Kate and William should have sex in order to induce the baby. The presenters were mortified, apparently this suggestion had broken royal protocol, Ken agreed with the medic, ‘That’s what got it in there, that’s what’ll get it out, no worries’. I can’t see this going down as a catch phrase of note but I know what he means.
Reg had his own ideas, ‘She needs to get one of my spicy, pork patties in her, and no mistake’, I can only hope that he was following a different train of thought from Ken.
Prithpal too had a view on the subject, ‘A good hot vindaloo, that’ll do the trick, it worked for Jacinta on all three of ours, we didn’t have any of this waiting about.’ Jacinta on the other hand was glad that the royal baby was late in coming, she was knitting a full outfit, jacket, leggings, mitts, hat and matching toy, but the shop had run out of butter crème coloured wool so she was having to wait in order to finish it. If the royal baby ever gets to wear this outfit it will look like a knitted cream cake, but Jacinta was very proud of her creation.
Needless to say Gary and Harry were holding a competition for the big event, guess the weight, sex and name, all for the entry price of £1, the winner getting a voucher to spend in the Spar, which seemed a bit mean to me. Most people had opted for a girl and the variety of names were very traditional ranging from Alice to Elizabeth and even a Margaret, although I guessed this particular entry had come from Reg.
Mand had chosen quite a traditional name in Diana Carol, although anyone could see that the winning voucher was not in her sights. Talk of the royal birth had however made her broody, and she confided to Jacinta that she was thinking of asking Garth if it was time to move on their relationship, she didn’t receive a positive response.
‘Don’t you think it’s a bit soon? I know you see him a lot but have you actually spent any time with him, more than just dates?’
Mand had to admit that she hadn’t, ‘Garthy doesn’t like people staying, it’s all to do with his religion and his feet, apparently a Jedi needs to make sure there’s not a power surge at night, and other people can bring this on.’
I nearly fell off my chair, it was the best excuse I’d heard, I was now thinking of becoming a Jedi myself. Jacinta looked at Mand so kindly that I almost felt emotional.
‘Perhaps you should wait a bit longer before suggesting babies, you don’t want to scare him off.’
Mand looked disappointed but resigned to the fact, ’Maybe you’re right, I mean my perfect baby name will still be there if we wait, like, won’t it?’
I was as intrigued as Jacinta, ‘and what’s your perfect baby name?’
Jacinta’s look was so revealing that Mand went straight into an explanation.
‘I know, I knew it was the name for us the minute I heard it, it’s ideal cos I like love Nutella and my Garthy, well he can’t get enough of prunes’.
I couldn’t help but wonder if the prune issue had more to do with his Jedi power surge, than other people staying overnight.


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