Speed Dating at the Short and Curlies

 

On Sunday evening they had a speed dating event at the Short and Curlies, I would have had to research what speed dating is , but the floosy at number 7 (Mandy, Amanda, Mand I’m not really sure) was very forthcoming on the subject when discussing it with Jacinta. I can’t tell you exactly what she said because she talked for ages and had too many ‘likes’ in her sentences, it just brings me out in a hot flush. In summary, the women sit behind a desk and the men talk to them for five minutes and then move onto the next woman when someone rings a bell. It sounds dreadful and personally I think it’s too early in the year to be trying to promote romance, that’s February’s job.

 

I would have told Baz (the landlord of the Short and Curlies), when I saw him coming out of the Spar, but he seemed to be in quite a rush so I didn’t get the chance.

Of course it wasn’t always called the Short and Curlies, it was originally The Pavers Arms, and was a lovely little pub when Bryan and Daphne had it, but once his piles took hold they had to sell up. Baz came in with fancy ideas about a name change and themed nights, there’s rarely an evening goes by when there is not a quiz, a band, a séance, or suchlike.

Anyway, Mand was definitely going and was trying to encourage Jacinta to join her, this completely confused me, as I think it did Jacinta, she has been married to Prithpal for years, they have 3 children and I’ve never seen any sign of marital strife, now if you were talking about the miseries at number 11, well that would be a completely different kettle of fish.

I watched her leave for the pub on Sunday night, she was wearing a red cocktail dress which matched her lipstick, and far too much jewellery for the occasion. It seemed strange to be so dressed up for a night at the local, especially when the men circling her will be from

three streets away, who she sees regularly in the Spar and at the chippy, but as she said to Jacinta, ‘I’ve had my heart broken like, and 2015 is like, the year I’m going to find love, like.’

 

Well, as it turned out she may have come close, according to Tom, who also attended the event, which was a shock in itself; he’s 79, if he’s a day, and always looks to me as if he may be storing the best part of last week’s dinner down the front of his jumper. If the bell rang when he was coming towards me I would be heading for the exit. Apparently Mand got chatting to a man from the Clubman Estate, a slightly overweight plumber by the name of Anton. Anton is already married but as Mand said, ‘It’s alright, like, because he’s like, one of them Mormons’.

I do know Anton, and his wife Steph, because she does a shampoo and set for my Aunty Betty every other week, I must ask her next time I see her, when precisely he became a Mormon and more importantly, if he could get me Donny Osmond’s autograph.